Well, in keeping with the AE Mafia journal trends (yes, we stick together even in that regard, scary isn’t it?), I have made a list of all the places I’ve been. Except I put it on my webpage. So you can go see it there, if you’re interested.
Well, in twelve more hours I’ll be in the middle of my last final. My final final. Ha ha.
Today there was a mass round of quizzes. Christina quizzes, Carter quizzes. They are fun, but also make me nervous. What if i don’t know as much about one of my friends as I should?? Hee hee.
I am feeling a bit out-of-sorts tonight. People are getting married (Jes), people are buying houses (Carter), people are moving to Houston to start jobs (Becca, Chrissy). I don’t want to be an adult! I think that is why I continue to cling to school. That’s why I will be frightened to leave, even though grad school has not turned out to be exactly what I thought it would be.
I was talking to Ron tonight about it all. He is probably going to grad school in the fall to get a master’s, which I think is a very good decision for him. Though I may complain about the work being much more than I thought it would be, I am definitely glad that I came to Stanford this year to get my master’s degree. I know, I’m reevaluating whether I want a Ph.D. or not, and if I do, whether I want it now, but I defintely don’t regret committing nine months to a graduate degree. It is something that I want, and something that I will take pride in having, even if getting there is sometimes maddening. If I hadn’t come straight to grad school, I think I would have never forgiven myself.
Ron said “maybe you have been [an adult] and you just didn’t know it. It is like somebody else defined what ‘being an adult’ means and eventually the pressure just gets stronger and stronger to conform.” He is right. I wonder if my parents felt this way. I wonder if they still feel this way. It’s weird — we grow up with all these preconceived notions of what an adult is, based on society and our own observations. And then one day you wake up and realize that you’re smack in the middle of that transitional age range. You’re 23, not too far from being 24, and you get up, run some errands, and some kid at the grocery stores asks if you want paper or plastic, ma’am. And then it hits you — “wait, I’m an adult.” And if you’re me, it freaks you out. Ha. One of these days my conflicted brain will calm down.
(12:55 a.m.)
Becca (who shall now be known as “becks”), is currently in the middle of her last day of work in Switzerland, and she says she hasn’t packed a thing, which is “pulling a Sarah.” Hey! I resent that!
Ok, now that you all have picked yourself up off the floor from laughing… I admit, I am not the most efficient packer. Anytime I move anywhere new, I save it all till the last minute, at which point I freak out, start throwing things into random boxes, and yell at people who are only trying to help me. Moving is perhaps the most stressful thing I ever do. And I seem to do it a lot.
I am in the middle of a music obsession. Music of any kind. I want it playing constantly. If it were possible to listen to four songs at once, I would. I don’t know what has gotten into me. I just made a new CD though. Yessss.
I am pretty much done studying for structures. Not that I have studied much to begin with, but structures is one of those classes where studying has never really paid off for me. It all depends on my ability to sit down, look at the test, and classify what type of problem it is. Which means studying doesn’t help, only practice does. So I have practiced today. And now I should go to bed. But I’m not tired. Instead, I am searching for new songs to adore. I found this song by Dar Williams today, “Are You Out There,” that I love.
In 10 hours I will have slept, taken a final, and will be done!