Today is my friend and coworker Melissa’s last day at work before she and her husband move to Michigan where he’ll begin a medical fellowship. She’ll continue to work for NASA remotely, but it won’t be the same as having her right there on the other side of my cubicle wall, where she’s been for the last 3 years. I’m going to miss her.
In the year or so before we got married, Jose and I found ourselves in a new-to-us group of friends who turned out to be a pretty fun bunch. But in 2010, Nick moved to Boston, where his brother lived. In 2011, Katie and Andrew moved back to Ohio, to be closer to family. In 2012, Kelly and John also moved back to Ohio, also to be near family. And now Melissa and Matt are headed to Michigan (where they will — yep — be closer to family, which is not entirely coincidence). From a group that once numbered 10 people, Jose and I are now the only ones left in Houston.
We still have good friends here, of course, but the disintegration of that particular group — along with the slow exodus of other coworkers and friends-of-friends from the area due to layoffs and the aerospace downturn — has been hard to ignore. And so I’ve been thinking a lot about living in Houston lately, and whether my little family is truly here to stay.
(source unknown; found via Pinterest)
On one hand, it’s funny to find myself questioning whether I am “here to stay” when I have already been here for nearly 12 years, a full third of my life. (I’ve been here long enough, apparently, that on Sunday when our patio thermometer read 90 degrees, I commented to Jose that “oh, that’s not even that hot” — and I wasn’t being sarcastic. I actually meant it. WHO AM I??)
For better or for worse, Houston is home. Even if I leave, it will have been home for some of the biggest events of my life. First “real” job. Meeting Jose. Marrying him. Having Emma.
But I can’t really say that I expected to be here as long as I have. When I arrived fresh out of grad school, I expected to work for a couple years and then go back for a Ph.D. I changed my mind about that, but then in 2004 or 2005, I applied for a job in Seattle that I would have taken had it been offered. After I met Jose and we started talking about marriage, the idea of moving came up again and in early 2009 we were 100% decided on moving to Washington DC — until we weren’t.
In the past, my thoughts about moving centered on a desire to live “somewhere prettier” or “somewhere nicer.” Being close to family was never really a consideration. Neither of my parents live where they were raised — my mom’s family was 2.5 hours away, and my dad’s side was a full day’s drive. I didn’t grow up around my extended family like a lot of people do. When I chose aerospace engineering as a career path, the complete lack of any aerospace industry in Charlotte wasn’t a factor. I wasn’t dying to leave, but I also didn’t feel strongly about staying. I wanted to work for NASA, so Houston it was.
(via more than words)
For years, every time anyone talked about moving back “home” — meaning back to where they grew up — I was puzzled. Sure, I got that people didn’t want to live in Houston, but to me, the logical reason to move would be because you got a great new job opportunity, or because you wanted to live closer to mountains or something. Uprooting your whole life just to be close to your parents or your siblings? I didn’t get it.
But since having Emma, I understand for the first time why people do anything and everything to be close to family. (I’m not saying you have to have a kid to make moving home worthwhile. I’m just saying that for me, having a kid is what finally made me understand.) When we took Emma to Charlotte for the first time last year, leaving at the end of the trip made me cry — and leaving Charlotte hadn’t made me cry since my freshman year of college. Seeing Emma laugh with Katie and Joel in Seattle two weeks ago made me yearn for more. More time with my family. More time for Emma to really know them.
Leaving wouldn’t be easy. We have good jobs here, jobs that have reasonable hours and great salaries and offer a level of flexibility that I suspect may be difficult to find elsewhere. We have friends, we have hobbies, we have our home. We have built our LIFE here.
I don’t know what the future holds for me, and for Jose and Emma. Charlotte and Corpus Christi aren’t exactly aerospace hotbeds, and even Seattle options are limited from what I’ve been told. We’re not actively looking for jobs elsewhere, and other than idle small talk, we haven’t made any grand 2 (or 5 or 10) year plans to leave Houston.
But for the first time in a while, staying doesn’t seem like a given. Leaving seems like a viable option too.
Well I certainly have a LOT to say about this, but you know most of it. I will say there is NO AMOUNT OF money; NO JOB .. nothing that can replace the family. And they will become more and more of a pull as you get older I bet. When I moved at 25, oh that was easy! see ya parents! see ya bad relationships! but moving this last time? Oy.
Yeah, I definitely understand your recent decision to move back here in a way I wouldn’t have a few years ago.
Working for NASA is such a weird niche market…and after being there so long, I worry that I don’t have the skills to be successful in any old engineering job. But who knows. We shall see.
Before I left, I was in a loose group of four moms. I was the first to leave, and two others left the following spring. All three of us got closer to our parents/in-laws. (At least, within driving distance, not flying.)
There were a BUNCH of factors involved in OUR leaving, but as it happened, six months after our move, B’s mom had some significant health issues and moved out of her long-time house into a senior residence (we were so grateful to be close to help her and work with the siblings on all that). Four months after that, B’s dad’s health declined fairly suddenly and he passed away, but we were there through all of that. (And I tell you this completely without judgment, and I am not trying to imply anything about your future; merely nodding along with understanding, and telling my story.)
As my birthday approaches, I have been thinking back to my younger self, who NEVER would have imagined a SAHM gig in Seattle!! Hehe.
I totally didn’t realize you were staying at home! I guess I figured you got a job out there. My friends (she works at Blue Origin, and her husband was formerly there and now an independent consultant) were telling me that the job market for aerospace in the area isn’t great. They said even Boeing is moving a lot of their engineering jobs elsewhere.