So, long story short:
At this time last week, Jose and I thought we were moving to Washington DC. He had a great job offer there, and I had…well, I had some good ideas of what I’d do. There were life-related reasons to stay in Houston, of course, but we’d decided that moving was the right decision for us right now. It was a decision we’d agonized over since November.
Then the situation changed in a way we never expected. In 24 hours, we went from absolutely knowing that we were moving to DC to absolutely knowing that we are staying in Houston.
Making the decision to move to DC involved picturing where we might live, imagining what I might do, and planning for living in a more expensive city on a much lower combined salary. I started to see us there, riding on the bike paths, going to visit the museums, camping amidst the rolling hills and the green, green trees. I liked the idea of being in the same city as my brother, in the same city as many of my old high school friends, two hours away from my dad’s side of the family and within driving distance of Charlotte again. I grew up on the east coast, and I miss it.
So while I know that staying in Houston is also the right decision for us, the rapid shift in life plan has left me reeling. I can’t totally explain the feeling to myself, much less to Jose, which sucks because it makes him think that I’m upset that we are staying here — and that’s really NOT it. There are some really great things about staying in Houston. We have many good friends here, Jose’s family is only 4 hours away, and we’re both very happy with our hobbies and activities here. We can buy a house this spring or summer, and really settle in.
But some part of me is in mourning for DC. And not for DC specifically, but for the big change it would have been, for the big life shake up that — while completely over-the-top stressful in the short term — might have been really cool.
Moving was scary, and staying is not. It’s easy. Maybe too easy. A week ago my whole life was about to change, and now I feel like nothing is going to change.
But I need some change.
So now I have to figure out how to get it here.