State of the Household

More than 3 years ago, I wrote a post about how Jose and I divvy up all the various responsibilities involved in running a household with a couple kids and two full-time working parents. So when one of my IG friends mentioned “work/life balance” as a potential topic for my month of blogging, I thought it’d be a good time to update that old post! And while this is actually a bit more of a life/life balance discussion, I think there are several nuggets in here that give some insight into how Jose and I keep our household running — and have time to do some of our own hobbies — while also working full-time.

Since early 2016, some things are the same and others have changed. The changes have mostly been driven by two big things: the girls are older (obviously) and we moved to a new house that is closer to work.

Work: We both still work full-time outside the home, Monday through Friday. Jose recently left NASA so we are at different companies now, and both our jobs are different. We both have “usual” hours of ~8:30 to 5:30, but it’s not quite as consistent as they used to be. I have a couple regular early telecons and meetings now, and Jose has been putting in a lot of hours in the evenings. Jose’s job in particular will likely be more time-consuming in the coming year, and we’ll have to see how that affects things.

Childcare: In 2016 both girls were still in daycare. Now we have one in elementary school. But the school/daycare schedules still drive a lot of our routines. The elementary bell rings at 8:10, so we have to be out the door by 8:00. And the daycare closes at 5:30, so that determines when we leave work.

(The elementary school gets out at 3:15, and Emma goes to a local gym for a couple hours of after-school care.)

For the last couple years, we had a solid routine where Jose helped the girls get up and get breakfast while I got ready, and then the girls and I would leave. We still do this 3-4 days per week, but on the day(s) when I have an earlier meeting, we swap. I’m usually able to get the girls up and moving before I leave, and Jose finishes up and takes them to school.

After work, Jose and I still split childcare duties pretty evenly. Most nights, we both do bathtime and the bedtime routine — one takes Charlotte and one takes Emma. We alternate who does which kid because someone has to sit in Charlotte’s room until she falls asleep, and that can take a frustratingly long time.

In the last several months we’ve also tried to get better about each having a “night off” during the week. This could mean we go out on our own, or it could mean we stay home but just don’t have to put any children to bed — whatever we want.

Food: The girls each breakfast at home now, which is a change from 3 years ago when they both ate at daycare. (Charlotte actually eats 2 breakfasts every day, because she likes to eat at home with Emma and then again at school.) Jose still doesn’t really eat breakfast; I almost always have a yogurt or bowl of cereal, and take a thermos of coffee with me to work. On weekends, we make pancakes at least one morning, and sometimes go out.

Now that we live so much closer to work, I go home for lunch 2-3 days per week which is awesome! On the other days, I run out to pick something up or eat in the cafeteria at work. Jose always goes out. Packing a lunch is extremely rare for us. Emma buys her lunch at school, and Charlotte gets fed by the daycare. On weekends, we almost always go out for lunch.

I cook dinner most nights. We used to split this more evenly, but for the last couple years we were getting a boxed meal service — RIP Plated, I miss you already — and I really enjoyed cooking those meals. And since Jose enjoys and is better at the post-school homework stuff with Emma, we just kinda automatically fell into those roles.

(p.s. I’m on the hunt for a replacement for Plated. We’re currently trying Sunbasket and I’m going to try Blue Apron as well.)

Dishwashing is still a chore that illuminates a difference in our personalities: I’d rather have them done right after dinner, while Jose would rather relax for a while and do them later. Sometimes we end up with dishes on the counter for a day or two and I am choosing to be ok with this.

We usually do grocery shopping on Sunday. Sometimes we all go together, sometimes Jose goes with one or both of the girls, sometimes Jose goes alone. He likes grocery shopping and I don’t, so that works out well.

House Cleaning: This hasn’t really changed since last time. We still pay for a cleaning service every 2 weeks. I still get pretty annoyed by the level of clutter in our house and Jose doesn’t, and this remains a source of tension for us at times. The amount of kid stuff we now have doesn’t help!

When things get too crazy though, both girls are now fully capable of helping pick up and put things away, so when I do mandate a “family cleanup” activity, it goes quickly. That’s a big change from a few years ago, and is a good one.

Laundry: I still do it all, and it remains my least favorite chore. Not much else to say here other than wishing I had a magic laundry fairy.

Yard: No real change here, except that our lawn service cost went way up when we moved because the new house has way more flowerbeds and foliage than our old house did. It’s worth the cost though, because yardwork is very far down our priority list.

Home Improvement: I still to take the lead on this, but nothing happens until Jose and I have had a lot of joint discussion about what we need/want done and what we’re hoping to pay for it. We haven’t done a lot to our new house, but we did get new kitchen and dining (sewing) room floors last January and that has been great.

There are 2 big projects currently on my list — 1) having the kitchen (and all its wood paneling) and living room painted and 2) renovating the master bathroom. We’re planning to assess in January and possibly get one of these done in the spring.

Cars: Our cars are 7.5 and almost 5 years old and fully paid off, and fortunately they haven’t required a lot of maintenance at this point. We have zero plans to get a new car anytime soon, and hopefully nothing will happen that would force our hand. I tend to be the one who takes care of oil changes and inspections; Jose tends to handle tires. It can be tough to schedule this, so it often falls to me on one of my flex Friday. (Jose doesn’t get flex Fridays.)

Finances: I do all the day-to-day money management, bill paying, and taxes and Jose pays more attention to the longer-term investments. We are both involved in bigger financial decisions like retirement planning, life insurance, college savings, etc.

Activities: I am still the “default parent” in this department, and still feel there is an imbalance. That said, I think Jose and I have made some definite improvements in this department over the last few years.

I made one surprisingly effective change a few months ago by adding a big white board calendar to our kitchen. I did this mainly because when Jose left NASA, we couldn’t share Outlook calendars anymore. But it’s been a huge help to have a physical calendar that everyone can see — even Emma, who now has a way to remember some of her own activities.

Overall: I think things run fairly smoothly in our household at the moment. I continue to be the planner/doer while Jose is still very much a thinker. These are pretty ingrained personality traits, but we have learned and continue to learn how to manage both the pros and cons of each.

Every year Jose and I get better at communicating our concerns and stressors, and not waiting for the other person to read our mind. We’re far from perfect, but we’re teammates and we do our best.

Work/life balance and life/life balance is something that has to be managed regularly, I think, to make sure things don’t get too out of control. But “balance” isn’t always the right word. There are times when work is busy, and times when life is busy, and with two working parents there’s always a bit of push-pull involved.

p.s. I’m doing a 31 day blogging challenge.