Last week I took a training class at work. I’ve taken many classes over the years on various topics, and one thing I can always count on is having a classmate who…well, who stands out, and often for the wrong reason.
You know the ones. The older guy who decides to be argumentative because the instructor’s broader lessons don’t match his specific experience. The career woman who’s continually name-dropping high level leadership to convey that she’s important. The new hire who lists “my confidence” as his #1 skill. The middle-aged man who somehow has experience in every area of the company and has an opinion on each one.
Am I stereotyping? Obviously. But stereotypes come from somewhere, and unfortunately I see them proven time and time again.
(I’m sure I fit into some of them myself. I wonder which ones?)
Last week, one classmate was a combination of #2 and #4. This person had an opinion about everything and didn’t hesitate to make it known, often speaking up before anyone else had the chance to add to the discussion. On top of that, this person managed to work in their interactions with upper management and senior leaders multiple times per day regardless of whether it was actually relevant to the conversation. It was somewhat annoying.
At the same time, as I sat there in class, I was also working through some concluding thoughts about the leadership program that I was not selected for this year. I was finally able to meet with my center’s program representative earlier in the week to get feedback from my own interview.
When I’ve solicited feedback after various unsuccessful interviews in the past, it has always been more useless than useful. The constructive criticism is general and indeterminate, vague and unspecific, and therefore difficult to use to make any meaningful improvements. But this time was totally different! My discussion with her was very positive and she was able to give me real, concrete, solid feedback that I can use going forward.
First, I got dinged for having to ask my interview panel to repeat their question, not just once but 3 or 4 times. (Most of the questions were two-part affairs. I was nervous, and by the time I had answered the first part, I had forgotten exactly what the second part was.) I knew this wasn’t good, but underestimated the impact it would have when comparing me to a pool of people who are ALL good at interviewing. It is what it is, and I can easily fix the issue in future interviews.
Second and probably more importantly, the interview panel didn’t feel like I had enough “skin in the game.” They didn’t feel like I communicated how I’ve invested in my own development — and for an agency-wide leadership program like this one, seeing that an applicant is already doing what they can without relying on anyone or anything else is a major factor. In reality, I’ve done quite a bit to develop myself at work, and I knew going in that I needed to play that up. And yet I still failed at doing so.
Essentially, I didn’t “sell myself” well enough.
And so last week as I sat there in class, pondering my interview feedback while internally eye-rolling as my classmate dropped another name, it occurred to me that perhaps these two things are related. Perhaps the fact that something fairly innocent like this person’s name-dropping behavior annoyed me so much is part of my problem.
I think there is a fine line between self-promotion and arrogance, and that line makes me uncomfortable. I am often hesitant to promote myself. I often fear being seen as arrogant. And even though I know this about myself, and even though overall I’ve been successful in my career, my weakness at the “art” of self-promotion continues to be an obstacle from time to time.
I know I’m doing good things. I just need to be more forceful about communicating that when it matters.
(And maybe take a few tips from people who are good at it instead of rolling my eyes? The jury’s still out on that one…)
Name dropping is not the same as self promoting. Also, self-promoting can back fire on women in a way that does not back-fire on men – even in a setting like an interview where you are SUPPOSED to be self-promoting – and that sucks too. There’s apparently a strategy to it, got me what that strategy actually is. I guess the best thing to do is observe people who do it right? Let me know when you figure it out.
I think the not investing enough in your personal development is actually a big thing with leadership programs, I’ve gotten that feedback before even without going as far in the process you have — they want to see you’ve taken advantage of as many other development opportunities as you can (to the point of “I don’t have any other options BUT this program!”, I’ve done everything else), before they invest in a full program.
On both of these notes, the women in the ISSP were investigating some women in leadership classes. They eventually brought one to JSC that I didn’t make the cut to get into, but it was for more higher level women. But, there was one that caught my attention — its an executive program, its at Smith College (a women’s college with an engineering program), is called from Specialist to Strategist, and its designed for women making the transition from technical expert roles to leadership and strategic leadership. Seems perfect for the point in our career where we are. Not sure if your management would support you going, but it might be an option. http://www.smith.edu/execed/?q=programs/specialist-strategist
Yes, I always think about that idea — that what I say or how I act will be interpreted differently than if a man said the same thing. (Not always worse, but definitely differently.)
I’ve been pretty focused on personal development in recent years. It was less of an issue of me not having it, and more that I just wasn’t effective at conveying it. Kind of a bummer, but onward and upward…
I have never noticed an annoying person like that in classes I’ve taken at my company. Maybe I’m the annoying self-promoting career woman?
At my company, we have one leadership class. I was the first woman and the least experienced person selected for it. I believe this was a result of directly stating to management year after year, in writing at performance review time, that I wanted a leadership position in the company. I was very over-the-top about it.
Of course, getting select for that course didn’t translate into movement for my career, which is one of the major reasons I got fed up and went part time.
So its interesting, I read a law blog that linked to this: http://www2.deloitte.com/global/en/pages/about-deloitte/articles/millennialsurvey.html
And we aren’t quite millenials, we aren’t really gen-x either. But your summary fit squarely into the survey results: “Forty-four percent of Millennials say, if given the choice, they would like to leave their current employers in the next two years. A perceived lack of leadership-skill development and feelings of being overlooked are compounded by larger issues around work/life balance, the desire for flexibility, and a conflict of values.”
The blog I read commented that the survey points out that leadership-skill development was actually more a concern to the workers than actual leadership positions.
Given the size of NASA vs. your company, I would imagine the personnel dynamic is different. That stinks about not being able to advance.
Personally, I find the fine line to be between arrogance and self-confidence.
Self-promoting is part of networking, which is what I find some folks at NASA use classes as an opportunity for. Sometimes it works well, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes you get the annoying person, but self-promotion doesn’t bother me like it used to, now that I better appreciate why some do it even when it isn’t necessary. Sometimes it works!
An interview is a quintessential networking opportunity — you’re there specifically to see if they will chose you to be part of the network you’re seeking. Self-promotion in terms of your skills, experiences, interests, and preparation… it all factors in. I’m glad you got some great feedback.
I like what you said about better appreciating why some people do it at various times and in different situations. Although I found this particular person annoying, I do feel like I better understand where they may have been coming from — and that’s something I don’t think I could have said 5 or 10 years ago.
This might sound basic, but have you read Lean In? I wanted to hate it, but it really helped me with the idea of self-promotion and also eliminating self-defeating behaviors. But also, not for everyone!
Yes! I read it and it definitely resonated with me. I often find myself doing or saying things a bit differently as a result of that book.