A couple weeks ago I came across an internet list of things you should realize by the time you’re 40. With that milestone only a couple years away for me, I decided to follow the click bait. Most of the items were pretty typical: you stop comparing yourself to others, you embrace your imperfections, you understand what’s really important, etc.
But one of them in particular caught my eye and got me thinking. It said (and I’m paraphrasing) that you “accept that you will always weigh about what you weigh now.” In essence, it proposed that by the time you’re 40 or so, you are at what I’ll call your “forever weight.”
In one sense, this was refreshing to read. It’s nice to consider letting go of worries or insecurities about weight, accepting that it is what it is, and just moving on with life.
But it also struck me as pretty depressing. I’ve struggled with weight over the years and while I’ve never been obese, I’ve also never been thin. In my adult life (when not pregnant) I’ve weighed as much as 205 and as little as 169. I remember the low end with such clarity because it was right after I’d spent a week literally climbing mountains as I hiked the Inca Trail more than a decade ago.
I’m rapidly closing in on 40 and last night before bed I weighted 193.4 pounds. I’m not happy about that. I’m not happy at this weight. And I know — I really do — that I’m only 6.5 months postpartum. I know I need to give myself more time. But my belly is extra jiggly after being stretched out by two babies, and the weight isn’t coming off as easily as it did the first time.
If you spend any time at all on pregnancy or new baby message boards, you’ll come across threads about postpartum weight and body image. Inevitably, someone posts a comment along the lines of: “Don’t stress, fellow mamas! Just look at your baby and you’ll realize that a few extra pounds are worth it!”
This is true, and yet it’s also total crap. Having my beautiful girls doesn’t magically make me forget that my clothes don’t fit quite right, or that I don’t like the feeling of my squishy stomach.
I haven’t hit 169 again since that one time years ago, but I’ve hung out in the 170-175 range many times, including as recently as 16 months ago, right before I got pregnant with Charlotte. I feel good there, in that range. I feel healthy. And I want to believe that I can get there again. Losing weight is hard. But it’s also hard to embrace my body the way it is now when the way it is now makes me uncomfortable.
Am I at my forever weight? I hope not. Either way, it’s time to buckle down and find out.
I don’t buy that forever weight thing. I think we all have periods in our life where we fluctuate, times when we are more devoted to eating well and getting exercise, and other times when that’s a little bit further back.
I’m almost 19 months postpartum and still am not back in pre-preg jeans. Close, but not there. 10lbs from what I weighed when I got pregnant.
I blame breastfeeding.
I’m one of the ones who keeps the weight on while breastfeeding apparently.
Thank you for sharing. I’m in there with you.
Nope. Not true. As closing in on 53, I did go through the past 3 years with peri-pre menopausal changes that WILL slow down metabolism and change your body composition. BUT IT IS NOT WRITTEN IN STONE. As also someone who has struggled with weight my entire life, I was the fat fat fat kid up until high school, then again after high school, then again when I hit 40 (hypothyroidism)…and then as I said from mid 2012 up until recently. It takes determination and dedication to be at a healthy weight, whatever you choose that to be. Accepting the fact that this is the way it is, is a cop out. It TRULY is 200% what you eat, in what amounts, and not so much about running 30 min a day a couple of times a week.
I have FINALLY figured out that what I always did in the past was just making my issues WORSE and that I had to make some serious changes, and go against everything Ive ever been told. Now? Yeah, the inches are melting off and I eat on average, about 1500 calories a day, run DIFFERENTLY, and do 30 min of weights 3-4 times a week.
I’ve seen a couple of your IG posts and am intrigued by how you’re managing your food these days. Food is DEFINITELY the thing for me — I can run as much or as little as I want and it absolutely will not affect my weight.
The only thing that has ever worked for me is to just flat out eat less food. And that can be tough…my willpower wavers in its strength for sure.
I will also add since you are not yet quite 40, if you think that if you just go along as you are now, that you are going to weigh that in 10 years, you are mistaken. It only gets worse my female friend. Tack on about another 10-15lbs once you start going into peri/pre menopause which typically will start around age 42-43. :O)
I thought about that too — it seemed odd to choose 40 as some sort of line in the sand, ESPECIALLY for women given menopause as a huge change that happens to our bodies well after that age.
I had something of a revelation a coupe of years ago. I let go of the anxiety about being flabby. I will be flabby. My goal now is to feel like I can do the things I want to be able to do. Losing weight is still a goal because it will help me do the hints I want to do, but I’m no longer focused on the scale. That really helps me be motivated more because when I do better with exercise or keep my portions more in control I feel those changes helping my body do things even when the scale isn’t tipping down yet.
The kids aren’t any help. Carina has taken to poking me in the belly and saying “jiggly” recently. Sigh, one more life lesson I need to teach her without giving her body image issues.
I agree, I definitely prefer to focus on how I feel rather than the number…but at this point, I kinda know what number corresponds to, so it’s hard not to focus on it.
And ohhh, Carina — so not cool! Lol.
Don’t let dad teach her the word “orca”.
I think it’s highly unreasonable to take 6-months post-partum weight as a mark in the sand. If that were true for me, I’d be 20 pounds lighter. If only! My weight still isn’t fully stabilized and it’s been 20 months. Give yourself at least a year, and preferably two.
But June makes a great point. Your metabolism is going to slow down, so post-partum weight aside, without focus and effort, you’ll tend to gain a bit every year as you age. Even one pound a year adds up. In general, I think it’s a major achievement to maintain your weight as you go through your 40s and 50s.