My Little Empanada

So. Emma is already 11 days old! Every day I mean to post, but the days have a habit of slipping away from me. This has been both the hardest AND the best — the longest AND shortest  — eleven days of my entire life.

Cue blog post full of random thoughts and cute photos…

Getting cleaned up after birth

Life has been a whirlwind since Emma was born, but we’ve been home for just over a week now and it’s been really nice to be in our own space adjusting to life with a newborn. While we were in the hospital, we sent Emma to the nursery each night to get some sleep. They brought her in every few hours to eat, but we got two nights of sleep in ~3 hour chunks which helped us recover — somewhat — from being awake from about 8:30 Sunday morning through mid-morning Monday after she was born.

First family photo (taken just before leaving the hospital)

Breastfeeding is super hard and at this point I’m pretty convinced that anyone who says differently (“oh it’s so NATURAL…”) either 1) got REALLY lucky or 2) is totally full of crap. Emma’s a great little sucker; unfortunately the problem is on my end. We’ve gone through several iterations now of ways to improve supply and are still struggling. I’ve become good friends with my pump already, and it’s a good thing formula exists or Emma would basically be starving right now.

I’m trying really hard to stay optimistic though, and hopefully we’ll get on track very soon. If not, well, like I said — it’s a good thing formula exists!

Emma pondering the meaning of life in her hat that looks like a do-rag

My mom has been here since Saturday and is going home tomorrow. At least she THINKS she’s going home. I haven’t told her yet, but we’re making her move in with us. I’m just going to refuse to take her to the airport tomorrow and hope that works.

Someone told me that newborns are noisy sleepers, and this is totally true. Emma will go from completely quiet to making little coos to a full-on cry and then right back to silence, all without actually waking up. We’re still adjusting to her habits — as much as an 11-day-old can have habits, anyway.

Looking completely adorable — and so tiny! — in her carseat

In retrospect, our first week was WAY too busy. We had to take Emma to the pediatrician twice and to the hospital twice over the course of 4 days for weight checks and blood draws to monitor her bilirubin count (which got a little high) and for a baby ultrasound to check out a weird unidentifiable thing that my OB saw during my 38.5 week ultrasound a few days before she ended up being born. (It appears to have been nothing, which was the best case scenario, so yay!!)

On top of that, when Emma was 4 days old and I was exhausted and hormonal, I had to do a short 15-minute interview for a leadership program that I applied for at work. Yep. Really. I had originally been scheduled to do it on the 9th. After informing them that my maternity leave had started earlier than planned (and yes, they were aware maternity leave was imminent), they let me do it by telecon and moved it to…the 10th. Ask me how happy I was about THAT, and the fact that they couldn’t reschedule it for sometime this week. Needless to say, I highly doubt I will be moving forward in that process since I can’t even remember what the questions were or what I said in response. Honestly I’m just lucky I didn’t end up crying during those 15 minutes. Whatever.

On top of that, Jose and I took advantage of Mom being here to run a couple errands and go out to lunch on Sunday and Monday on our own. That was nice, and I’m glad we did, but it was also a little too much for my still-recovering body at the time, I think.

All in all, it was too much, too soon. We have spent the past couple days just sitting around, and that has been a very good thing.

Cupcake and a candle to celebrate her 1-week birthday!

As for me, I’m recovering well. Most of the post-birth soreness has gone away and on top of that, I lost 20 of the 30 pounds I gained in the first week! I put on a pair of my normal jeans the other day and although I took them back off because of the fabulous muffin top they created, I could have worn them without being uncomfortable. I look basically the same as before, except I now have a bunch of flab in front.

I don’t plan to even attempt to start working out again before my 6-week post-partum appointment in mid-September, so I’ll just stay where I am for now — stable at ~10 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight. I think that is pretty darn good all things considered, so I’ve got no complaints!

Nice and alert after hanging out with me at the nursing mom’s group at the hospital

Overall, it’s hard for me to describe my emotions at this point. I love watching her when she’s content, and especially when she smiles — even if it is just gas at this point. I go a little crazy when she cries and I can’t figure out why. The middle of the night is way more stressful than the day, but that’s to be expected I think and she’s actually been a pretty good baby so far. Breastfeeding efforts have occasionally turned me into a crying mess, and probably will again, but a nap always makes things better — and I’m pleasantly surprised at how well I am functioning so far while sleeping only in 1-2 hour chunks. (Although when she goes back to the pediatrician on Monday, I’m hoping we get an all-clear to start feeding on demand, instead of every 2-3 hours, since the jaundice concern is past. A 3-hour nap would be nice.)

It still feels a bit surreal at times that this baby is mine! That I have a daughter! And that she’s here, in the world, and not in my belly! It’s amazing. It’s hard. It’s crazy. And awesome.