Reverb10 / Dec 20 / Beyond Avoidance

What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

In 2005, I took a graphic design class at UHCL, one of the local community colleges.  At the time, I just wanted to see what it was like and indulge the voice in the back of my head that said I should’ve gone after a more creative career.  I didn’t plan to do much with the class, because the degree program that was most applicable was an M.A. in Humanities.  That program required three semesters of basic literature/English classes, and I had no desire to take another literature class.

But then in 2007, UHCL created a new program.  You can get an M.A. in Digital Media Studies — which is much more aligned with what I’m interested in anyway, and eliminates the literature requirements in favor of things like imaging, web design, 3D graphics, and typography.  I continued to take classes every fall and spring, sometimes even two at a time.  I finished my last class in May 2009, and only a Master’s project stood in the way of me and my M.A.

You can do the math.  It’s now December 2010, and if you’re a regular visitor you will probably realize that you’ve yet to see me post anything about finishing my M.A.

Because I haven’t done the project.  I’ve THOUGHT about the project a lot.  Someone gave me a great idea for something that I think would be really fun to do.  I’ve sent emails to my professor at least 3 times saying “this is the semester I’m going to start it.”  But I haven’t.

It’s bizarre, because I can’t even explain it.  I just haven’t done it.  Going to class on a weekly basis and having set assignments to complete each semester gave me structure, and apparently that structure is something I sorely need.  (Another example of this:  The project is structured by the university such that it requires two semesters of work, which is part of what seems overwhelming to me, I think.  I’d rather knock it out in an intense 2-3 month period.  I can’t, so I don’t do it at all.)

In December 2008 when Jose and I thought we were moving to DC for him to take a new job, I had big plans for myself.  I was going to figure out a way to push through the Master’s project and finish by August 2010 and canvas the DC area looking to make a career change.  I had ideas.  I had a list of job prospects at places that I only dream of working like the Smithsonian.  I didn’t know what my chances were, but I was prepared to bust my butt trying.

But we stayed here in Houston, and I stayed in my NASA job.  Then we got busy with getting married, and buying a house, and settling in.  I don’t regret any of those things, not one bit.  But those decisions and those distractions did take away a lot of the urgency I felt to complete the degree.  Now it feels like something that I need to do “just because.”  But that’s ok.  Because I do still want to finish it.  Because I want that degree and those skills on my resume for the future.  Because it’s just plain silly to have taken all those classes and not finish the final step.

It’s been so long now that I’ll have to jump through even more hoops to complete the degree.  It’s been more than 18 months since I was registered at UHCL, and I have to reapply for admission.  My professor has probably forgotten who I am.  I feel stupid having to say for the fourth time that “no really, this time I mean it.”  And my friend who gave me the idea for the project has certainly just chalked it up to another thing I didn’t finish.

But 2011 is the year.  In 2011 I WILL FINISH THAT PROJECT.

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This month, I’m participating in Reverb10, which charges you to “reflect on your year and manifest what’s next.”  There’s a different prompt every day.