Contemplative

The past three weeks have been awesome. I went on a fabulous vacation, I got engaged, we got to share the happy news and celebrate with our friends and family, and there’s a shuttle mission flying which makes work more exciting.But the past three weeks have also been three of the strangest weeks of my life, not because of events but because of how I feel. I’m not sure I ever fully realized how much a schedule affects my life.

I’m not the kind of person that plans every minute of every day, but I am the kind of person who has a fairly standard “flow” to my days. Over the past three weeks I have adjusted to Japan time, 15 hours ahead of Houston. I came back and attempted to stay on Japan time for a few days. It is hard to be asleep when the sun is up, but I did it, and made it through my graveyard shifts. Then the shuttle docked. So I started shifting back to normal hours. Then I got sick. A week later, I am still congested, and not fully shifted back to normal — but close. Yet now I must figure out a way to make it through 2 more graveyard shifts. And the mission was extended by a day, which means those shifts are from 11 p.m. Wednesday through 8 a.m. Thanksgiving morning, and then 11 p.m. Thanksgiving night through Friday morning. Jose is working a different shift, which means he’s got to work on Thanksgiving afternoon starting at 3:00.

We had planned to leave early Thursday morning, right after I got off work, to head to Corpus to spend the holiday with his family. I was very much looking forward to it, especially since the engagement, but it’s not going to happen. It’s unfortunate, and I’m disappointed, but I knew there was a possibility that the mission would be extended, so I can’t really complain. After all, odd hours and the occasional holiday are part of the job description. And we’ll still be able to go down to Corpus for the weekend — even if it does mean missing Thanksgiving and the annual Black Friday shopping.

The real reason these weeks have been so strange is that since getting back from Japan, I have yet to feel normal. I’m either tired in the middle of the day or wide awake in the middle of the night, and I can’t get rid of the lingering congestion in my head that makes me feel all fuzzy. All this makes me feel weird. And introspective. And make me think that I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m ready for some big changes.

I’m 30 years old and will probably never again have the freedom that I have right now, without a house, without kids. I’ve been working at NASA for more than 6 years full-time, and longer than that as an intern (I qualified for my 10-year government service award three months ago). By August of next year, or possibly earlier, I will have finished my master’s degree in Digital Media Studies. What do I want to do with it? Though I complain about classes from time to time, I have enjoyed each and every one of my classes more than I remember enjoying any of my aerospace classes. So while I love science and math and technology, I can’t help but think that it might be time for a change.

Oh, where to begin…