People run for many reasons. To get in shape, to challenge themselves physically, to push their limits, to lose weight. I know people that run every single day, but have never run more than 5 miles. I know people that run three times a week but do marathons regularly. I know people that run according to strict schedules, trying to better their times. I also know people that don’t even wear a watch. I know people that run all the time but have never entered an event in their life. Everyone uses a different method, but underneath it all, they have a reason for doing it their way.
And then there’s me. Somewhere along the way, I’ve lost my reason for running.
I started running at the end of 2001. That’s not entirely accurate, because I attempted to start running many times before that, but the end of 2001 was when I not only started, but stuck with it. Six years later, I am still running, but I’ve forgotten why.
When I started, it was because I wanted to lose weight. I did exactly that, dropping 30 pounds over the next three years. The first race I did was a 5K in January 2002 through Golden Gate Park to a finish along the Pacific Ocean. There was a half marathon happening the same day, and as I watched people pass through mile 10, I couldn’t comprehend of running the far. But of course that’s the beauty of running. It lets you discover what you can really do.
A year later, I ran my first 10K. I ran my first half marathon in 2004, and a year later I did the full 26.2 miles of the Houston Marathon. It wasn’t easy to train for that first marathon, but I had a lot of time and an unwavering goal. I wanted to say I’d done a marathon. I wanted to feel that sense of accomplishment, of doing something that I could have never guessed I’d do.
But afterwards, though I basked in the glow of finishing the marathon, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do another one. Instead of going bigger or faster, I turned my attention to other things. What I really enjoy these days are triathlons. I love the variety of the sport, and how you have to have a balance of skills at both swimming, biking and running. So I started doing a lot of triathlons and then I did a Half Ironman. It was awesome. I want to do another one next year. I probably can’t do Lonestar due to timing, but I plan to do another one.
But another marathon? It’s been almost 3 years. I’d love to run New York, but I didn’t get in this year. But I’d joined Bay Area Fit’s triathlon group, and they all talked so much about the fall marathon season that I found myself swept along. Another Houston Marathon? Ok. I joined. I trained. I talked about the marathon. I didn’t fit in with the Orange Group as well as the Triathlon Group, but I kept up.
But I’m not really happy with my current plan. I’m not motivated, and I’m not having as much fun as I used to. Some runs this fall have been great — the Houston Half Marathon, my short 3-miler last Thursday — but more have been awful. Or maybe not awful, just a struggle. Perhaps a mental struggle more than a physical one. And those 30 pounds that I lost in the first 3 years? I’ve gained almost 20 of them back in last 3 years.
I did a lot of thinking over the weekend, and here’s what I decided:
I will not be running the marathon on January 13.
This should come as no surprise to most of my readers. Even though my training has gone ok enough, I dread the long runs. They loom over my weekend, they occupy my thoughts — and not in a good way. I am tired of agonizing, I am tired of dreading. I just want to enjoy running again, and look forward to getting outside instead of coming up with excuses to stay in bed.
Will my running friends think less of me if I don’t run the marathon?
Will I be disappointing anyone if I don’t run the marathon?
Does not running the marathon mean I’m not a “real” runner?
The answer to all of those questions is obviously no, but those were the issues that were keeping me from just doing what I knew I wanted to do. The vast majority of my running buddies run marathons regularly, and I was putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself to “keep up with the Joneses,” so to speak.
So: no marathon in January. My head and my heart are not in it. Not right now. Maybe I’ll regain my motivation if I get into New York next year, or maybe I won’t. Maybe the marathon I did in 2005 is the only one I’ll ever do. If that’s the case, I will learn to be ok with that.
I will be running the half marathon instead.
There’s a reason I have repeatedly confessed to loving the half marathon. In my mind it is the perfect distance — short enough that I can finish in 2.5 hours or less, long enough that it requires some level of commitment and training, but not so long that the training is overwhelming and time-consuming. It’s a distance that I can mentally handle, and it’s a distance that I can excel at on my own terms.
When I finally decided, for real, to revert back to the half marathon, I felt so relieved. I know this is the right decision.
January 13. 13.1 miles. Sounds good to me!
Sounds good to me to. Halves are a lot of fun and one can do a bunch of them. Fulls are a lot of work, are high risk for injury and mere mortals can only do a few (unlik beer loving immortals like JD who can run two a week).
you sort of sound like me- like I said a few posts ago- to run a marathon you have to WANT it. And I don’t. So I downgraded (lol) to the half! I will have a much better time training and running. I say save it for NYC. When you get in, I bet you get excited again and running it is just so great!
I’m glad that you feel that you have yourself back on track. I think it happens to everyone in their passions, especially falling into the trap of keeping up with the joneses. It is hard to see your way back out, but when you do it feels so right.
The one thing I see a lot of people do is to continue to try and force themselves to do something when their heart isnt in it; whether thats training for a marathon or something else.
Motivation is THE key component in successfully achieving any goal a person has. Without it, you will fail (in my opinion).
Hope that weight has been lifted off your shoulders.
Fit and healthy lifestyle with running a key component. The rest is just details
I applaud you for being honest with yourself. Everyone has their distance and sometimes it takes awhile to figure out what it is. The tough part is not getting lured into something you know you can’t put your heart into. My take is that based on your posts, your passion is for triathlons. So follow your passion!
Guess this is the season for evaluating and regrouping and getting back to basics.
It’s very exciting to watch my running buddies think for themselves and decide what’s best for THEM…listening to others’ advice and encouragement but still standing firm in what they decide is best.
Kudos for returning to your first love! I’m right there with ya = ) But where you and many others are switching to the half, I’m pressing on to the full because in my heart, that’s the ONLY thing I know will make me happy. I don’t care about time, I just want to do the full marathon and have fun and finish.
Even when all commen sense says to back off and quit running through the pain, I’m compelled to keep going. Maybe not the smartest thing in the world but it’s what’s in my heart and I’m doing it.
So it’s encouraging to me to watch my running-buddies follow their hearts because that’s exactly what I’m doing too!!