Searching for Green

I often worry that I am a “grass is greener” person.

This is not necessarily a bad thing, because sometimes the grass really is greener on the other side — so maybe it’s more accurate to say that I often worry that I always think things would be better elsewhere.

I have been in a work slump since the launch. Working the launch was so exciting, and what I had to come back to post-mission is extremely unexciting. I am reading. Reading, reading, reading. Reading about rendezvous, reading about systems, reading about flight rules. Training to be a flight controller may sound glamorous (and don’t get me wrong — sims and the pilot training I’m currently doing are lots of fun), but there is a dull and boring side to it as well. I’m only halfway through all the material I need to read, and I feel like I can’t read another sentence without going crazy.

Yesterday was particularly bad, and I left work thinking that maybe I should just quit, take classes full time to finish my graphic design M.S. from UHCL, and find a new job as a designer/web person extraordinaire.

But if I did that full time, would I enjoy it as much?

Not to mention that despite my pipe dreams, I’m not sure I’m truly qualified to work in that field.

Things are getting better though. Finally — finally! — I am getting into the meat of training. I have my first rendezvous sim on Friday, and I made the mistake of looking at the list of evaluations that are also happening that day. It will be my first sim, but it will also be a FDO final, a TRAJ midpoint, and a GNC midpoint. Main point being: those people will have problems to work, and their problems will almost certainly affect me. Little old me. Little old greenhorn me.

Fortunately my mentor will be there to help me, so I’m actually not too worried. If I mess up too badly, I can just blame him.