I can’t sleep. My head is too full, too many thoughts swirling around.
Today after meeting with 4 of the 5 bosses in my branch, I got the go-ahead to start training for a flight control position in September. It’s what I’ve wanted for three years. I should be more excited.
The bosses are considering switches between ascent and descent people, to give each other an idea of what the other does. I said I might be interested, potentially, but didn’t want to commit. I think all they heard was “interested.” I listened to the possible ascent tasks, both of which were, until recently, being done by a friend. Who left because she hated her job. I don’t want to take over the job she hated.
I want to get married. Not to just anyone, and I am in no rush. But watching my sister last week, and seeing how happy she was at her wedding, and how she couldn’t stop smiling if she tried, made me realize that I want the same thing someday. I want someone who makes me that happy. And yet I don’t date, and in fact, I tend to chase people away.
I come back from vacation feeling restless. An 8-5 office job is not what I want to do for the rest of my life, or even for the next decade. My dad left his engineering job after 7 years, when he was in his early 30s. Will that be me? I want the courage to live more freely; I dream about picking up and just travelling, and working odd jobs, but I am too scared to give up my security and my salary. And I don’t know where I’d begin anyway.
I come back from vacation having been reminded of what an incredible family I have. I miss them. I miss the comfort of very close friends, the ones that expect nothing from me other than what I am. I never have to pull punches. Sometimes there is drama, but it passes. I never have to stop laughing.
I want to go back to Tech for grad school, and not AE. I promised myself I would apply last winter, and I didn’t. I find it hard to think too seriously about moving back to Atlanta. It scares me. Often I feel that the city is a living creature that I left on bad terms, and that I do not belong there.
I want to get all these thoughts out of my head for tonight, so that I can sleep.
Me either. Up writing my review, which is gonna be weird given the recent job switch. Plus, the craziness between Atlanta and Jersey. I need a vacation from my vacation!
i know what you mean about not wanting an 8-5 office job forever (or really, at all) — but what else is out there?
I don’t know. You know, actually it’s not the 8-5 hours, it’s just the concept of the “8 to 5” job. I don’t care what time I go to work or leave as long as I’m doing different things each day. Currently, I feel like all my days blur together in sameness.
I think you need a bigger change than going to ascent, personally.
Ditto. You don’t have a mortgage, you are young, you can afford a salary cut, and you have a safety net of friends who would gladly let you crash on their couches — indefinitely.
Not my couch!!
Seriously, I think you should look into, at the very least, other options here — there are plenty of people here who don’t have desk jobs! Or go back to school. Or whatever. I’m a person of whim and action, though, and you’re one of introspection, so ..
I think a change would do you good. (Something other than NASA) Yes it is scary and has risks, but you would likely enjoy it and feel more in control of your life. (Hey wait – this could apply to me too!!)
As somebody who just went through a gruling job change, I say do it. It is the HARDEST thing in the world to convince yourself to do. It sucks going from being somebody who knows how to do everything to not knowing anything. It will break that “doing the same thing” rut though. And it’s good to just get a complete change in enviornment.
Breath, I think you need to breath. There are things to take into consideration like body clocks and outside pressures that seem bigger than they are. I just went through the same “needing to grow” feelings. I did what I always do and imploded, which is not suggestable, but it helped. Now I am studying for the LSAT and working for people who like me and I like and nothing about my day or life is secure (not that it has ever been!). Perhaps there is something outside of your life at work that would give you the same feelings of growth: go to a new church, increase outings with friends, decrease outings with friends, get politically active, do something you like to do in a club of somesort, knitting perhaps? Teehee. My friend Megan knits and I tease her about it. Sometimes growth comes from wierd angles. First you have to breath though. Aren’t you glad there are all these people out here to give you unsolicited advice on your life?