Happy Birthday Nick! Yesterday was

Happy Birthday Nick!

Yesterday was the best day at work that I’ve had in a long time. Gavin was out at JPL last week for a technical interchange meeting for the Mars stuff, and had put together a 28-slide presentation that basically gave a good overview of entry guidance and lifting entry. Unfortunately he was trying to give the presentation in an hour, and to a group of very chatty and brainstorming-minded people. He didn’t get through more than about five slides, and it was all very hard for us to follow listening in over the phone.

So yesterday he sat down to go over the charts with Mike, our new summer co-op, and I decided to sit in. For months I have been lamenting the fact that I don’t totally understand our project, and for months I have done nothing about it. I know it frustrated Gavin, and I know it frustrated me, because I couldn’t even explain what it was that I didn’t understand!! But Mike the super-motivated and super-smart co-op finally kicked me into gear and gave me the opportunity to go back to square one.

Gavin, Mike and I spent five hours going over 28 slides. Writing it now makes it sound insane, but that’s what we did. Five hours. And I asked questions, and Mike asked questions, and Gavin explained, and by the end of the day I finally felt like I really was starting to get a handle on this stuff, and really starting to understand. And that is such a indescribable relief.

And then last night I went to dinner with Gavin, Jen, Becca and Cari and we once again got on the topic of what the dissatisfactions are around here, why young people aren’t totally in love with their jobs. It’s a regularly discussed topic in our group, and sometimes I feel like we beat it to death, yet each time it comes up I feel like I figure out something new about me, and my motivations. For better or worse, I am definitely a person who figures things out by talking through them.

What I am slowly realizing is that while part of my dissatisfaction comes from forces beyond my control (what type of projects I am given, the computer/desk-driven nature of my group, etc), a good portion of it is also my lack of motivation, and lack of interest, and always looking for the greener grass on the other side of the fence. I think one of the reasons I always liked school is that I am easily motivated by a deadline, or by the threat of getting a bad grade if the work doesn’t get done. Sure, I complained if I didn’t think the work was worthwhile, but I still did it and completed it on time. In the working world, I have no real deadlines, and often no one really cares whether I finish my project. No one checks in on me, and no one asks how things are going. I don’t mean to imply that I prefer to be watched over like a kid…but in a sense, I do want that. I want someone to care about what I’m working on, and I want someone to be interested enough that they are waiting on results.

The best work I feel I’ve done in my almost three years of full-time employment was during the six months following the STS-107 accident. Why? Because I knew the work was important, because there were people waiting to see my results, and because they were needed in a timely fashion.

I feel like the wheels are slowly starting to turn here. I am starting to understand what I’m supposed to be working on. And the larger issues I’ve been struggling with are starting to change as well. Management has shuffled around, and as people move into new positions they seem more receptive to getting feedback from their employees. I am going to have the opportunity to talk to those who can change my job, who can get me into flight control. People are beginning to realize that the young employees aren’t totally satisfied, and are wondering what they can do to help. It is a really positive change, and bodes well for the future.