Becca wrote an entry about our Sex-and-the-City-ish Saturday night and I thought I’d share my two cents. We all went out to surprise Fred for his 30th birthday in a group of probably 25 people that included two pregnant women and exactly four people who aren’t married: Becca, Debbie, Cari and me.
I find myself in a lot more situations these days where I am one of the few, if not the only single person person in attendance. I recently realized that over time my friends have become divided into two groups — the ones who are married, and the ones who are single. I don’t have many friends that are in dating relationships, even. It’s married or single.
Having so many friends who are married couples doesn’t make me want to rush out and get married. It doesn’t make me pine away for some guy to make moony eyes at. I definitely want to get married, but I’m ok with it just happening when it happens. I just haven’t met, or haven’t realized that I’ve met, the right guy yet.
But having so many married friends does occasionally leave me feeling…not excluded, but maybe…left out? Like I’m missing out on something cool because I don’t happen to have a ring on my finger. Like I’m the third wheel. That type of thing.
I wasn’t sitting at the larger table that the other three were, or I might have more to say about the conversation that apparently went on about the joys of marriage. I was thankfully sitting with Edgar and Betsy, Ron and Buzz, Nick and Stephanie, Gavin and Jen, and Sean (whose pregnant wife didn’t come, she would’ve made three) — a table full of couples who are refreshingly fun and independent (not to imply that no one at the other table was as well).
Anyway, at Becca’s table, one women made a comment about how nice it is that everyone was in happy, stable marriages, and how proud she was that they were all still married. Becca has a great point about the fact that it might not be the smartest idea to pat yourself on the back for a room of couples where the longest marriage running so far is less than five years, and most are less than three.
But my issue isn’t so much about what she was saying as about the fact that it’s a bit insensitive to start a long conversation about marriage and how great it is and how nice it is to have a man and how awful it was to live alone…in front of three single people! I find myself wishing that Becca hadn’t held her tongue for once.
Being a single woman is not a death sentence!