a day, a day. a day of learning how to change my car’s oil and filter by myself, of silly imax movies, of darrin’s dance grooves and owl cookies.
i had a dream last night, a dream i don’t quite know how to accurately describe in words. it was so incredibly vivid, so real that i awoke with real tears in my eyes to match the ones i had been crying in my dream. and they weren’t bad tears; they were just…tears. from the situation my dream ended in.
it began as a “my best friend’s wedding” sort of situation, though i can’t say i’ve had any thoughts of that movie anytime lately. one of my best friends was getting married, to a faceless girl, and i was reacting in my typical way. insecure, clingy, scared to lose the guy. but that’s not the image that’s been floating in the back of my mind all day. instead, it’s the image of what happened just before i woke up in the dark with the quiet tears.
for some reason, i hadn’t seen the guy in years. i hadn’t been in touch with him, and i didn’t know what had become of him or what he’d done with his life. i was totally clueless, except to know that this man had been a very important person in my past, and that somehow, i’d ended up at the site of his impending wedding terrified that even though we’d been apart for years, this was my last chance and he would be gone forever.
and i was tugging at his sleeve trying to get him to listen to my desperate words of how he couldn’t get married because it would mean we could never be friends again…when i tripped and knocked a piles of paper off a table nearby. i bent down to pick them up, and saw that it was some sort of wedding trinket, a short autobiography of the groom, the guy, the former important person, the one i’d suddenly decided i couldn’t live without. i froze, kneeling there on the floor. i read it.
he had done it. everything. all the things he’d told me he wanted to do, years ago when he was so important and before we’d lost touch. everything. all his dreams, all the things he’d shared years ago. he’d done them all.
and i just looked at the paper. and then i looked up at him, standing above me. and i just had this incredulous look on my face, mouth open, tears forming in my eyes. and he was looking at me with tears in his eyes as well, and he gave me the kindest, most understanding smile i’ve ever seen. and suddenly i knew that he would marry this girl that had helped make his dreams come true, and moreso, i knew that that’s what i wanted for him, and that it didn’t mean that i would lose him again. and that everything would be ok.
and then i woke up in my dark room under my soft sheets, and let out a long, slow breath.
it was so vivid.
