i start work tomorrow, but it doesn’t feel like that. it still feels like vacation. like i’m here for a week’s visit and am trying to see everyone i possibly can. like i’m going back to my real life soon. only…
…this is my real life now. and i’d be lying if i said i wasn’t a little bit scared. there is a certain apathy towards being back in houston, a feeling that it is not the only thing that i could do, but only the most comfortable thing. i know what i am getting into here; i understand my job, know my way around town, and have many, many friends. it makes it easy, it makes moving here easy. this feels like another co-op tour, with the added bonus of living in a great apartment and buying nice things.
i worry that i am too comfortable. maybe i should branch out, try to add new people to my life instead of depending only on the ones i already know. by september, nick will have gone to france. ron will be a full-time fiance because buzz will have moved here. i am glad to know that becca will still be here, and chrissy and others.
i’d like to meet some new people. i’d like to meet a guy. i’ve never really dated, and that usually doesn’t bother me, but lately i’ve been thinking it might be nice.
by october, i think it will hit me. this isn’t a co-op tour, and i won’t be going back to school. that will be a strange feeling, i think.
on another, slightly related topic…i had the best conversation with james yesterday as we sat by the pool after chrissy and liz had gone inside to shower. it’s funny, because james has always sort of been someone else’s friend. i mean that in the sense that, well, rarely have we actively sought out each other’s company; it’s always that we both end up in the same group. and yet i feel like james understands me better than most.
i always enjoy talking to him, especially when we go past formalities and start discussing “deeper” issues. when i want to know about other people, i never ask the right questions. james always knows what to ask me. i like that. i’m glad that i will get to see more of him now that i’m in houston.
i need to try harder to ask the right questions.
anyway. on the sunday night before i start work for real, i thought i would put some of my thoughts into words and share them with the world.
today was nice. i got up, had some cereal, wrote some email. nick came over and took me to best buy to get a tv (mom, dad, if you’re reading this, don’t worry, it’s ok). we came back, set it up, played around, talked. i had dinner with ron and ethan. we talked about being in europe, and about the banned‘s performance on friday. we went back to ron’s and watched wallace and grommit.
it was nice.
