i like what karen wrote today, in response to the aforementioned “graduation anniversary”:
“i think that most of us have finally found peace with our decisions and our present situation. they aren’t the same, and mostly they aren’t as good as they were only just a year ago. but they are reality, and they have the promise of being really good.”
yes. “the promise of being really good.” that is what i am waiting for so impatiently. for that promise to arrive. i am scared that the more i want it, the farther away it flies. i admire christina because she is so good at living in the moment…or at least pretending that she is living in the moment. it makes me happy to think that she really is. i know even she has her moments of doubt, but…i envy her ability to always make the best of whatever situation she finds herself in.
i’m glad i went to atlanta this past weekend. i’m glad i’m back in california. i still harbor some powerful longings for the past, but i also know i can never have it back. and really, even though my life is more in limbo than it has ever been before…i can’t say with certainty that i would go back. sometimes i still miss it so much it hurts, but i can’t say that i would go back.
we have to keep on keeping on, and move down that foggy road. i think i’ll make it.
(10:46 a.m.)
almost fell asleep in class this morning. not good. anyway. it seems other people are doing a good job of describing my own feelings. this is from the online journal of a guy i know though others, an acquaintance, really, and so i will not put his name here. instead, i will just quote what he said that struck a chord:
“this is all very funny to me because when i was in high school i was such an introvert, but now i feel like i feed off the energy of having close friends that i can trust and be comfortable around. i know that there are millions of friendships between people who “know” each other, and would say hi if they met in the store, but i cherish the close friendships between people who make me smile when i see them, and who i know i can do the same.”
that is a rather perfect description of the biggest change that i have undergone in the last six years. sometimes i don’t remember how to feed off my own energy, but other times i do. i like those times.
(2:39 p.m.)
lots of updates today. this time though, i’m not quoting anybody. oh well, i’m sure the few people who read this will be disappointed. wah. 🙂
so counting crows are coming out with their new album on june 25. woohoo! they played a few songs from it at music midtown on saturday, and i actually recognized them–from when leila and i saw them in concert last summer! it was quite odd…i had completely forgotten that they were even working on a new album, much less that i had actually heard a few of the tracks already. but cool. i like the new ones.
i’m about to call one of the apartment complexes in houston…oooh, big step! by the end of the week, i should have an apartment. i’m slightly nervous because of the whole commitment and contract thing…but really pumped to be making my preparations. being in atlanta this weekend made me even more excited about getting to houston. i’m have no idea why, but it did. anyway. must call. then time for yoga.
