The past two days have been long, gray, and quiet. Somehow I have just felt…off. Out of it. Head in the clouds. Mood in the dumps. Energy fading, motivation lacking.
I went running today, but I wouldn’t really call it “running.” It was a struggle the entire 2.1 miles. Yep, I only managed to go 2.1 miles. And I even walked some of that. I find that my runs are a good indicator of how I am feeling, and today was no exception — an utterly blah run for an utterly blah weekend.
The one bright spot was spending last night, and another few hours tonight, with Nick. I sort of don’t want him to go to France next year. I want him to move to Houston. I am going to miss him so much. I guess most people anticipate graduating and moving on with their lives, and don’t miss people like I do. It’s all very strange. I wish I had realized earlier that saying goodbye is an inevitable part of life. Though we all have plenty of people to fall back on when times get really rough, basically we all have to go it alone and make our own decisions and be responsible for our own happiness. I am adjusting more and more to that idea. The real clash comes when doing something besides homework would make me happy, but I am stuck studying. Ha!
I want to call my friends back east and talk all day. I have been wanting to call Kent for weeks now, just to hear his wonderful voice, but I haven’t dialed his number. I want the comfort of Ron’s calm voice, but haven’t sought it. I wanted to call Carter all last week but didn’t. I have longed to talk to Christina, and Chris, and Daniel, but done nothing. I feel like the gap is rapidly widening between us, and though it goes against conventional wisdom, I find it hard to pick up the phone when I feel distant. I don’t know why. I guess I fear that conversation would be awkward, and that I won’t know what’s going on in their lives. I am absurd. Why does my brain work like this??
Tomorrow I have promised Emily that we’ll go shopping, but I also have to crack the books, since I’ve slacked off these past two blah days. I’ve got both propulsion and aircraft design homework due on Tuesday. Fortunately, I think those may be the only two assignments due this week, which is nice. I’ll get a break. Though the ironic thing is, I’ve gotten so used to having constant homework that I don’t quite know what to do with myself when I go a day without it. However, I don’t think it will take much work to get over that.
I think I’m going to get ready for bed and read for a while.
