Well. I am home. Charlotte. In the past three days I have:
- spent a lot of time on airplanes
- gotten my MARTA fix for the holidays
- seen a lot of people at a bday party in Atlanta
- ridden down to Sharpsburg with Anit
- gone to church
- seen Carter’s fantastic house under construction
- hugged Kent at least a dozen times
- been driven up to Charlotte by Chris
- decorated the Christmas tree
- played tennis and pool with Chris
- watched perhaps the worst movie ever (The Ladies Man)
I am happy to be home, and happy to see my family. I will probably be bored many times in the next two weeks, but boredom is probably a good thing in my life right now. I need to recover from last quarter. The only bad part about being bored is that it gives me too much time to think, and then I start coming up with things like the following…
It was so good to see Kent and Carter and Anit and Chris and James, and see them smiling. It was reassuring to see that they are happy; it was sadly nostalgic to see that they are happy without me. That I can’t play a part in making them happy anymore.
I had a good quarter at Stanford. My grades weren’t what I hoped they’d be, but I did have a good quarter. I readjusted to life on my own, and I made some new friends. I finally was able to stay home on a Friday night and not feel like that meant I was socially inept. I had a few dates, even if I did sort of space out so that nothing came of them. It was a good quarter. But when I see my Tech friends — my best friends — I want to come racing back to them. Seeing them makes me feel lonely, because I know I can’t see them always.
They were making plans for a party on the 23rd, another get-together in Atlanta. I won’t be there. I’m hardly ever there anymore. I want to be there with them, to hear about their lives and to know what their inconsequential daily thoughts are. I miss it.
I wonder what life would be like if I moved back to Atlanta. I wonder if I would be happy, I mean, in the long run.
I like Stanford. But I still wonder.