Dear Future Self of Approximately 1-3 Weeks From Now,
Hello self! I gotta be honest and tell you that you look a little tired, but don’t worry — that’s to be expected since you now have two children, and one of them is a tiny newborn. I thought it might be nice to write yourself a letter from the relative safety of mid-August when you are (somewhat) well-rested and your brain is (mostly) working as it should…and just give you a few reminders for the coming weeks and months.
It’s ok to take a nap. No seriously — TAKE A NAP. I know you’re not really a “nap person” but these days it’s necessary. Everything else can wait. Errands? Cleaning? Touching up paint or washing the windows or whatever other totally random task that popped into your head and suddenly seems urgent? They can all wait. They really can.
If breastfeeding isn’t working, for goodness sake just use formula. Right now you’re feeling pretty confident in your ability to do this, but those postpartum hormones are pretty wacky and mom guilt can rear its head quickly and unexpectedly. If breastfeeding is working this time? Awesome! But don’t let yourself get pressured into feeling like you have to do something (anything) if it’s not working. Do what makes your life easier, not harder.
You don’t need to sew anything right now. Yes, I know your sewing machine is RIGHT THERE in the dining room. Yes, I know you “owe” your niece and your baby a quilt. Yes, I know it’d be nice to say you did something not-baby-related today. But you really don’t have to sew anything right now. It’s a hobby, remember? And the beauty of hobbies is that you can come and go as you please.
Work with Jose, not against him. You get cranky when you’re in the thick of it, and easily frustrated. But even Jose can’t read your mind, so chill out, ok? Remember that he’s on your team, and that he’s tired too — and on top of that that he’s going to have to go back to work soon and somehow act like a coherent, functioning adult. Cut him some slack.
Hug Emma a lot. And try to remember that this transition is huge for her too. She’s been excited about having a baby sister, but to her, “baby sister” was some unseen thing that lived in Mommy’s tummy — until she was suddenly confronted with the actual tiny human now occupying her house. There will almost certainly be rough spots, and Emma needs love and patience too.
It’s ok to admit this is hard. Because it IS hard.
It’s also ok to admit that you don’t like the baby phase. Who knows, maybe you’ll like it more this time? But it’s ok if you don’t, because the baby phase doesn’t last forever. If you need a reminder, just look at Emma.
You will feel normal again. You will sleep again. You will (eventually) fit back into your old wardrobe. You will have “me time” again. And you will adjust to having two kids — I don’t know how, exactly, but I’m confident that you will. Soon that tiny girl will be a toddler and a preschooler and she’ll play with her big sister and she’ll carry on a conversation.
And it will be AWESOME.
Love,
Yourself
Misti says
Great letter! I wish I’d written myself one last year at this time. I put a lot of guilt onto myself during maternity leave for sitting on my butt in front of the tv and not doing things. It was extremely hard to watch the world go by and find myself a different person.
Sarah says
Maternity leave is so weird, right? It’s like you just check out of everything for a few months!
Jennifer says
If your baby comes today, she and Briony will share a birthday. Can’t wait to see her!
mimsie says
I love this post!!! Haven’t commented in a while, but still read your blog regularly. Hope all goes well with the arrival of your precious girl.
Jennifer says
Definitely be kind to yourself. It’s easier and harder the second time around.