Well, I made it through another week. Yaaaaay!
Since going back to work, life is moving at a pace that I am really struggling to keep up with. I know I will adjust eventually, but in the meantime I am feeling like a bizarro version of myself.
Work is a huge adjustment. I vastly underestimated the challenge it would be to not only return after maternity leave, but to return into a new job. I am having troubling figuring out exactly what my new responsibilities are, while simultaneously feeling a little sad to let go of my old role (which, as I am now discovering, I identified with very strongly). In the long run, I think it will be good that I went back for 3 weeks and now get a breather before really digging in. But right now, it just feels overwhelming.
This is only my third blog post this week. That’s totally not a problem, but just an indication that even things that are normally a solid part of my routine are being pushed to the wayside right now.
On Wednesday afternoon after making it out to daycare to see Emma visiting Santa (win!), I smashed two of her fingers in the car door. (HUGE FAIL!) Thankfully they are ok after ice and bandaids. Someone please tell me I am not the only parent to have done this.
Yesterday I remembered the fruit tray for Emma’s daycare party, but forgot the present for their gift exchange so there I was in Walgreens at lunchtime buying a $5 replacement.
The holidays are exciting, but so so full. Emma and I have two more activities this weekend too — which I know will be fun, but I also can’t even really think about them since my brain is basically operating one day at a time. I think I am almost done with my shopping, but still need to get everything organized and on its way. On Wednesday night I realized it was time to cry uncle, and let go of my plans to get Emma’s Snow White dress done by Christmas. I ordered a Sleeping Beauty dress (which she requested from Santa above) from Amazon instead. I’ll still make the Snow White dress…but now at least I don’t have a deadline.
The kicker? Last night I got called in to work at 8 pm because there was an issue on the space station that now requires a bunch of unplanned work within a very short timespan. In other words, yesterday was supposed to be my last day in the office but now I’ll be working today AND some of the weekend. Hopefully the activities with Emma that I mentioned above can still happen…
After getting the call last night, I just cried. I don’t know how I would be staying afloat without help from my parents, who are here this week. Mom has been doing our dishes and laundry and running all manner of errands for me. Dad fixed up my old mountain bike and ran different errands for me. And that’s on top of taking care of little Charlotte while Jose and I are at work.
So this is life right now. I generally hate saying things like “oh I’m so busy” because I recognize that being busy is often a choice. I could just buy everyone gift cards for Christmas and call it a day. I could skip the daycare activities. I could definitely just say “no blogging until January.”
But no matter what I do, there is just a lot of noise in my life right now. Can someone slow this train down a little, please? I am in desperate need of some calm.
Jen @ de Jong Dream House says
Hang in there, mama! Returning to work at this time of here, especially to a new position is about as stressful as you can get! I’m sure things will get better once the holidays are over. As far as parenting fails, when D and I were still in the hospital after he was born, I was pretty ill, so I pumped to allow others to do feedings. I was so excited to have my milk come in that when I washed the bottles I forget to rinse the bottles so D had soapy milk. It was not pretty! I had to pump and dump because my complications required meds that would pass through the milk. So D had to have formula instead of the milk I pumped. But we survived and so will you!
Jess says
Echoing Jen – hang in there! Going from no kids to one is hard and going from one to two is hard in a totally different way. You’re a good mom and you’ll get through. Lean on your people – they’re there for you and so many people will help if you ask. And if Emma gets a store-bought dress now AND a momma-made one later that will just be perfect. 🙂
Melanie says
I haven’t done it yet, but I’m petrified that I’m going to smash my son’s fingers in the car door too. Unfortunately it’s probably only a matter of time! Hang in there… hopefully life will slow down a bit in January!
Misi says
I remember feeling this way when I returned to work last year. I basically stopped blogging for awhile. I think I tried once a week and then by february I came up with some themes to get twice a week up. It helped, that’s for sure.
give yourself a break! I was an almost every day blogger pre-baby, too, and that just didn’t happen after…and not even now 15.5 months later. I’m ok with that.
Have a good holiday!
Delaney says
Thinking of you – you’re doing an amazing job! Just take it one day (or even one hour!) at a time! x
Jennifer says
The great thing about babies is they get easier as they age. Jonathan reminded me that we apparently did a ton of work on the car last Christmas, and I have zero memory of it. Like, my memory is a complete blank. Last Christmas might as well not have even happened – and of course Bri was about the age then that Charlotte is now. A year down the road, the fog has lifted and while I still feel overwhelmed at times, it’s a hell of a lot easier than it was.
Sarah says
Hang in there. I found the holidays so difficult with a baby Charlotte’s age and then you have all the new work stuff on top of it. I hope you get a little rest and peace over the holidays!
Becca says
Merry Christmas!
Let your friends know if you need us to come by with some food and do a few loads of laundry. Another thought is to buy yourself some piece. There are cleaning services that will come in two days a week, do laundry, dishes, even pre-prepare meals. Perhaps this is a worthwhile splurge for the first six months.
Thank you for saving the space station. I am feeling your new job pain, my life this month has not been nearly as full but I am kind of sinking into “what am I doing here” and “why did I change jobs” land and its a bit of a pit in the stomach. It’s good for us, right?
Becca says
Also I very clearly remember several childhood car door smashes. Also I remember a kid who brought in a nail that fell off from a car door smash for show and tell and being grossly interested. Apparently this is part of growing up!